The Art of Modesty in a Boastful World: A Reflection on Self-Promotion

I have always found myself at odds with the nature of self-promotion on social media, particularly platforms like LinkedIn. It often seems to bring out a side of people that leaves me cringing. I’m sure we’ve all seen the posts — individuals declaring their expertise, rattling off their achievements, all while congratulating themselves in a way that feels forced. It feels disingenuous, like there’s more to the story that’s left unsaid, or worse, that the whole story is a carefully curated façade.

I’ve pondered this discomfort for years. As someone who has built a successful career as a top hypnotherapist and coach, supporting individuals through profound change, I recognise the fine line between sharing your successes and appearing arrogant. This is something many people, myself included, struggle with — especially those of us from cultures where modesty is encouraged, even expected.

The question is: how do you convey your value without sounding ‘big-headed’?

The Cultural Conflict

From my reflections, I believe that self-promotion in the UK is often accompanied by a sense of discomfort, an ingrained cultural norm that whispers: “don’t make a fuss.” There’s an expectation to downplay one’s achievements, almost as if success is something that happens to you by accident, through hard work and talent rather than self-promotion. On the other hand, I’ve noticed that our American counterparts tend to have a more open and unapologetic approach to talking about their accomplishments. They seem to embrace self-confidence without the same fear of being labelled boastful or arrogant.

so, is this therefore cultural? I do believe so. In the UK, we’ve inherited a certain stoicism — actions should speak louder than words. While this is a noble idea, it doesn’t always serve us well in a world increasingly shaped by social media algorithms, where visibility is currency and business success. Perhaps we’ve become too modest for our own good. However, does that mean we need to completely change our approach?

Actions Speak Loudest, Yet Words Have Power Too

As someone who has guided hundreds, if not thousands, of people through personal transformation, I’ve come to realise that while actions do speak louder than words, words have their own power. Yes, I prefer to let my results do the talking. I’m proud of my 170+ five-star reviews — though I know they only reflect a fraction of the people I’ve supported on their change journeys. These reviews are a testament to the work I’ve put in and the positive impact I’ve had. And yet, every time I think about sharing them, there’s a nagging voice that says, “Is this too much? Will I come across as arrogant?” It isn't a question of self-confidence or self-esteem, it's about modesty and being unassuming.

This internal conflict is real. I know I’m good at what I do — some do say one of the very best in my field — but saying that out loud, especially in public, makes me feel uncomfortable. It’s the classic British modesty: we don’t want to appear ‘full of ourselves.’ But there comes a point when we have to recognise that downplaying our strengths isn’t doing anyone any favours — not us, and not the people who might benefit from what we have to offer.

Balancing Confidence with Modesty

So how do we strike that balance? How do we communicate our strengths, our successes, without crossing the line into arrogance?

1. Let Others Speak for You: Reviews and testimonials are a fantastic way to showcase your expertise without having to say, “Look how great I am!” People trust the words of others more than self-promotion. When someone else says, “You changed my life,” it carries more weight. If you’re like me and feel uncomfortable blowing your own trumpet, let your clients and colleagues do it for you. Their words can speak volumes.

2. Share the Journey, Not Just the Destination: One of the issues with self-promotion that feels cringeworthy is that it often skips the struggle. People declare their successes without acknowledging the hard work, failures, and learning along the way. By sharing the full picture — the challenges, the growth, the ongoing journey—you’re not just boasting about what you’ve achieved, but giving a real, relatable insight into how you got there.

3. Focus on the Value You Bring: Instead of framing self-promotion as “look at me,” frame it as “this is how I can help you.” It’s a subtle shift but makes a world of difference. When you focus on the value you provide to others, it becomes less about ego and more about service. You’re not boasting; you’re offering solutions to people’s problems.

Should We Just Say It?

Even with all of this in mind, I still grapple with the idea that sometimes it’s necessary to simply state your worth. We live in a world where attention spans are short, and opportunities are often fleeting. I am proud of my reviews, my successes, and the transformations I’ve helped facilitate. Perhaps, if I’m honest with myself, the discomfort I feel about self-promotion is something I need to lean into, rather than shy away from.

If I don’t tell people that I am the best at what I do, how will they know? If I don’t share my expertise and the impact I’ve made, am I doing a disservice to those who need my help? Modesty is important, but so is visibility. Finding the balance between the two is something I continue to work on.

In the end, perhaps the most modest thing we can do is recognise our own value, and share it—not for our own ego, but for the benefit of those who might need us.

About the Author

Dr Iain Lightfoot is a dedicated hypnotherapist and coach based in Southampton, with a passion for helping individuals overcome challenging issues such as addictions and habits. With a focus on empowering clients to regain control of their lives, Dr Iain Lightfoot takes a compassionate yet effective approach to guide people through transformative changes, unlocking their potential for a healthier and more fulfilling future. He can be contacted here.