We all know what it feels like to be confident. When you walk into a room with your head held high, speak your truth with clarity, or take a risk without being paralysed by the fear of failure. Yet, for many you are thinking now, “what if that confidence isn’t consistent? What if some days, you’re on top of the world, and others, you can barely raise your voice or meet your own gaze in the mirror?” This is, unfortunelty, the case for many. 

As an Hypnotherapist, Coach and NLP Practitioner and academic in the fields of personal development and behaviour change, I want to reassure you of two things:

Confidence is not fixed, but nor do you lose it.

You can train your mind to access confidence at will.

Confidence Isn’t a Personality Trait: It’s a State

People often believe that confidence is something you’re born with or you lack. In reality, we view confidence as a state. A state is a combination of your physiology (how you’re using your body), your focus (what you’re paying attention to), and your internal dialogue (what you’re saying to yourself). This means confidence can be created, shifted, and amplified just like turning up the volume on a speaker. Statements such as I have lost confidence, simply mean therefore that you are not using the potential you have. 

Confidence isn’t about always having the answers, it is more so trusting your ability to respond, adapt, and cope. Whether you’re preparing for a job interview, standing up to speak, or simply trying to make a healthy decision for yourself, confidence shows up when your inner resources are aligned with your external challenge.

So how do we make that alignment happen?

Here’s One Great Tip: Anchor a Confident State

In NLP, we use a process called anchoring. Think of it like installing a button in your nervous system that, when pressed, brings up a specific feeling on command. It’s based on classical conditioning, remember Pavlov’s dog? Except instead of expecting food at a bell, you learn to fire up confidence with a touch, sound, or word.

Here’s how to anchor confidence in four simple steps:

1. Recall a Time You Felt Deeply Confident

Close your eyes and think back to a time you felt truly confident. Not just ‘okay’, I mean alive, powerful, and self-assured. Maybe it was a time you spoke up for yourself, nailed a presentation, or overcame a fear. Get into that moment like you’re reliving it: see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt. Let the confidence rise.

2. Choose Your Anchor

As the feeling builds, choose a unique physical action—like squeezing your thumb and forefinger together on your non-dominant hand. This becomes your confidence anchor.

3. Fire and Release

As the confident feeling peaks, perform the anchor (e.g., press fingers together). Hold for a few seconds, then release. Do this a few times while fully immersed in the feeling. You are linking the state to the gesture.

4. Test It

Later in the day, squeeze your fingers again and notice what happens. You may feel a subtle rise in confidence—or a flood of it. With practice, it gets stronger.

Anchoring works because the nervous system links experiences with triggers. It’s how songs can make you emotional or how a scent can take you back to childhood. You’re simply using that same mechanism with intention.

The Academic View: Confidence and Neuroplasticity

Confidence-building techniques like anchoring align with what neuroscience tells us about neuroplasticity,  that is our brain’s ability to rewire itself. When you repeatedly activate a confident state, you’re reinforcing neural pathways that support self-assured behaviour. You’re not just feeling more confident, you’re becoming more confident in a measurable, neurological sense.

This is why practice and repetition are essential. Anchors grow stronger the more you use them. The brain responds best to emotional intensity and repetition, exactly what this exercise taps into.

You Don’t Need to Feel Ready, You Just Need to Begin

There’s a myth that we need to feel confident before we act confident. Yet often, the reverse is true. Real action creates evidence, therefore evidence builds belief and belief sustains confidence.

By taking small, intentional steps each day, like using your anchor, standing tall, or reframing self-doubt, you train your mind to expect success rather than fear it.

So today, give yourself that little boost.

Practice anchoring, use it before a conversation, a meeting, or even walking into a room where you’d usually feel uncertain. Remind yourself: Confidence is not something I wait for. It’s something I generate.

You have everything you need inside of you. The button is installed. All that’s left to do… is press it.

About Me

I’m Dr Iain Lightfoot, expert hypnotherapist, coach, and NLP change agent based in Southampton. I work with people who are ready to change but need a practical, powerful, and personal approach to doing so. Whether it’s habits, anxiety, or self-belief, you’re never stuck. You’re just one insight away from momentum.

📩 Want to experience anchoring in real time? Book a session or drop me a message today.